Limerence and Autism: How Intense Emotional Attachments Affect Autistic Adults
Limerence and Autism: How Intense Emotional Attachments Affect Autistic Adults
Limerence — the emotionally intense, often obsessive experience of longing or fixation on another person — can be especially complex for autistic individuals. This experience is often misunderstood or mislabeled as unhealthy when, in reality, it reflects a deeper intersection between neurodivergence, emotional regulation, and attachment.
As a licensed therapist offering online therapy for autistic adults in Massachusetts, I work closely with clients navigating emotional overwhelm, relationship challenges, and boundary-setting — especially in the context of limerence. I regularly see how misunderstood these experiences are.
Recently, I was interviewed for a Verywell Mind article exploring how limerence can show up differently for autistic people. That piece opened the door for a broader conversation that deserves more space, nuance, and clinical depth — which I’ll expand on here.
What Is Limerence?
Limerence is a term used to describe the intense emotional preoccupation with someone — often accompanied by intrusive thoughts, idealization, and a deep desire for reciprocation. It can feel like infatuation turned up to 100 — and for many autistic adults, it can be consuming.
Why Limerence Feels Different for Autistic Adults
1. Special Interests Can Extend to People
Autistic individuals often experience hyperfocus — a strong, immersive interest in topics or activities. When that focus is directed toward a person, it can feel like falling in love, but faster and deeper. This isn’t about “obsessing” — it’s about how autistic brains engage deeply.
2. Rejection Sensitivity Amplifies Pain
Autistic clients often experience rejection sensitivity, especially if they’ve faced chronic invalidation or social exclusion. Limerence can trigger emotional spirals when signals from the other person are unclear or inconsistent.
3. Social Communication Differences Can Complicate Boundaries
Many autistic adults struggle with interpreting subtle social cues or unspoken boundaries. This can make it difficult to navigate the early stages of connection or to understand when a dynamic is not mutual — increasing vulnerability to emotional hurt.
4. Emotional Regulation Is Often Challenging
The intensity of emotional experience in autism means that limerence can feel overwhelming. Intrusive thoughts, rumination, and difficulty “letting go” are not just psychological — they’re often rooted in nervous system dysregulation.
How Therapy Can Help Autistic Adults Manage Limerence
-Naming the Experience: Psychoeducation Around Limerence
One of the most powerful first steps in therapy is helping clients identify what they’re experiencing. Naming limerence helps remove shame and opens the door to curiosity and healing.
-Working with Boundaries: Internally and Externally
I guide clients in building both internal boundaries (around rumination, checking behaviors, and emotional spirals) and relational boundaries (around communication, pacing, and mutual consent).
-Emotional Regulation Techniques for Neurodivergent Clients
Therapy includes somatic tools, mindfulness, and grounding practices that help regulate the nervous system. These tools empower clients to return to the present moment and manage big emotions safely.
-Exploring Identity, Not Just Symptoms
My approach is neurodiversity-affirming, meaning we explore:
Autistic identity and social expectations
Masking and its emotional costs
Self-worth and relationship patterns
What healthy, reciprocal love actually looks like for you
Limerence is not a flaw. It can be a portal into deeper self-understanding.
Online Therapy for Autistic Adults in Massachusetts
If you’re an autistic adult living in Massachusetts and find yourself struggling with emotional intensity, confusing attachment patterns, or painful relationship dynamics, you’re not alone — and you don’t have to navigate it without support.
I provide online therapy for neurodivergent adults with a focus on:
Relationship and attachment struggles
Emotional regulation and overwhelm
Identity exploration (AuDHD, LGBTQ+, BIPOC)
Boundaries and communication
Therapy is a space to process feelings without judgment — and to build skills for emotional resilience and healthier connections.
Ready to Begin Therapy?
If this resonates with you, I’d be honored to support your journey.
📍 Serving clients across Massachusetts via secure online therapy.
💬 Learn more or schedule an intake session.
