How to Get Over a Breakup: 7 Steps to Recover When You Didn’t Want It to End
A compassionate guide to healing, rebuilding your confidence, and finding peace after an unwanted breakup.
A breakup can feel like the floor has been pulled out from under you. Even if you saw it coming, the end of a relationship can bring shock, grief, and a deep sense of disorientation. You might be replaying conversations in your head, checking your phone for messages that don’t come, or wondering how to fill the empty spaces that used to feel full.
If this is where you are right now, please know: your pain is valid. Healing from heartbreak takes time, care, and gentleness. You don’t have to rush it.
Here are 7 steps to help you get over a breakup, heal emotionally, and begin to rebuild your sense of self.
Step 1: Let Yourself Grieve Without Judgment
When someone you love leaves, it can feel like losing a part of yourself. You might experience waves of sadness, anger, denial, or numbness. Grief after a breakup isn't a weakness, but a normal response. It’s your heart processing a real loss.
Helpful reminders:
It’s okay to cry, to feel tired, to not be “okay” for a while.
You don’t have to justify your pain to anyone.
Grief isn’t linear. Some days will feel easier, others may feel raw again.
Affirmation 💬:
Breathe in: My pain and my grief is valid.
Breathe out: I am healing, growing, and becoming whole again.
Step 2: Create Space to Heal
In the early days, it can be tempting to stay in touch with your ex, hoping to feel connected, or secretly hoping they’ll change their mind. But in most cases, maintaining contact slows down your healing.
Creating space can mean:
Taking a break from texting or calling.
Unfollowing or muting them on social media.
Asking mutual friends to respect your boundaries.
Giving yourself permission not to “stay friends” right away (or ever, if that’s what you need).
Space isn’t about being cruel. It’s about creating a safe emotional container to heal.
Step 3: Rebuild Your Daily Routine
After a breakup, your sense of stability can disappear overnight. Routines that used to include someone else no longer work. Rebuilding structure is a powerful way to ground yourself.
Start small:
Go to bed at a consistent time, even if you don’t fall asleep right away. Listen to an audiobook or sleep meditation if needed.
Eat nourishing meals.
Move your body. Walk, stretch, run, whatever works. Use that guest pass in your gym membership or ask if your friend has one.
Plan small activities that remind you life exists outside this relationship.
Even a 10-minute daily ritual can help you feel more like yourself again.
Step 4: Challenge the “I’ll Never Get Over This” Thoughts
Breakups can trigger painful narratives:
“I’ll never feel this way again.”
“I wasn’t enough.”
“I’ll always be alone.”
These thoughts are understandable, but they aren’t facts. They’re echoes of pain, fear, and shock.
Try this:
Notice the thought without judgment.
Ask: Is this a fact or a feeling?
Reframe: “This hurts now, but feelings are temporary. I am enough, even without this relationship.”
Step 5: Seek Your Own Closure
You may crave answers your ex can’t or won’t give you. Closure isn’t something another person hands you; it’s something you create for yourself.
Dr. Alexandra Solomon writes that closure comes from making meaning out of the experience, not from the perfect conversation.
Ways to cultivate closure:
Write a letter you won’t send.
Acknowledge what was real and what wasn’t.
Accept that some questions will remain unanswered.
Create a ritual to say goodbye in your own way.
Step 6: Reconnect With Yourself and the World
Heartbreak can make your world feel small and closed off. Over time, gently start expanding it again.
This might look like:
Reconnecting with friends or family who make you feel safe.
Exploring old hobbies or trying something new.
Spending time in places that remind you of your independence.
Joining local groups or events to build new experiences.
This step isn’t about pretending the pain is gone. It’s about slowly creating a life where you are at the center again.
Step 7: Ask for Help When You Need It
You don’t have to heal in isolation. If your heartbreak feels unbearable, or if weeks turn into months without relief, reaching out for support is a sign of strength.
You might consider talking to a therapist in Boston or seeking relationship counseling in Massachusetts if:
You’re stuck in rumination or can’t stop hoping they’ll come back.
You’re struggling with daily life (sleep, appetite, motivation).
The sadness feels overwhelming or isolating.
Therapy can help you make sense of what happened, rebuild your confidence, and move forward in a way that honors your experience.
🌿 Final Thought
Getting over a breakup doesn’t mean erasing the person or the past. It means reclaiming your life—piece by piece—until your story is yours again.
Your heart can hold pain and hope at the same time. Healing is possible, even if it doesn’t feel like it today.
If you were the one who ended the relationship and are struggling with guilt or sadness, read this post
